Competencies and development tips: Relational ability

Relational ability is the ability to build effective relationships with others. How to develop this is what is discussed in this set of competencies.

Also read about the other Competencies and Development tips: Influencing ability, Communication skills, Conceptual ability, Organisation orientation, Organisational ability & Personal orientation.

Assertiveness

Competency

Being able to stand up for your own opinion, even when pressure is applied by your environment.

Developability

This competency is relatively easy to develop. It is especially important to know where your own boundaries lie, and then to determine when being assertive is important and when it is less so. Assertiveness is then a matter of communication skill and perseverance in being assertive. Saying ‘no’ to things you do not want, or standing up for yourself for things you do want. The required skill can be learned. The mindset to set boundaries is somewhat harder, but can still be developed.

Goal

Determine for yourself in which situations and in which respects you want to be more assertive. Ask yourself why you want that and what effect increased assertiveness will have. Also determine how you will establish that your assertiveness has increased; make that as concrete as possible.

Development actions

Which concrete actions will you take and when, broken down into the four ways of learning?

Learning through knowledge

There is a lot of information available on the subject of assertiveness in books, on the internet or through courses. There is almost always something to be found that appeals in terms of tone and content. A few examples are:

Books

“Standing up for yourself” by Anne-Lies Hustings
“Personal effectiveness” by Jan Schouten
“Assertive at work” by Carola van Dijk, Hans Elbers

Internet
http://www.lichaamstaal.nl/lichaamstaal.html?assertief.html

Courses
Many training courses are offered on assertiveness. Via the internet you can find a course that suits you. In the training courses ‘Personal Effectiveness’ and ‘pro-active Time Management’, attention is also paid to assertiveness.

Learning through imitation

Look at people around you who are assertive; look at how they set boundaries and make this clear to their environment. Also talk to these people and let them explain how they have set their own boundaries. Also ask what they do to continue to ‘safeguard’ their own boundaries under pressure.

Learning through experimentation

Apply the ideas and tips you gather in practice. Also try applying a tip of which your first thought is: “that is not for me”. It may work better than you think.

Learning through insight

After experimenting, learning and any training, take the time to establish for yourself what helps you become more assertive. You may have noticed that establishing your own boundaries was the most important step. If that is the case, make sure you keep a close eye on that and that you as little as possible end up in situations in which you do not yet know your boundary well. In addition, it is good to reflect on which way of communicating your boundaries to others works best and ultimately also suits you best. Pause to consider what your way of being assertive is. Realise that what feels good for one person can feel unnatural and uncomfortable for another.

Statements

Dares to take a stance.
Dares to say no.
Dares to give their own opinion and sticks to it if the other person does not provide good arguments.
Knows how to respond adequately and quickly to questions, remarks and criticism.
Remains calm when faced with personal accusations.
Safeguards their own interests.
Dares to confront others.
Stands up for their own rights.
Points out others’ obligations to them.
Can, when necessary, interrupt someone else’s story in a constructive way.

Presence

Competency

Making a strong, professional impression on others.

Developability

Presence is a reasonably easy competency to develop. It is essentially a skill that can be learned. In addition, courage, extraversion and a certain degree of personal flair are needed in order to ‘perform’ well. These are mainly personality traits, which are harder to develop.

Goal

You do not always need to come across as strong and professional in every situation. It is therefore important to determine for yourself in which situations you want to improve your presence. In addition, it is important to determine how you want to come across as strong and professional in such situations. Cultural aspects also play a role here. What can be professional and strong in one situation does not have to be so at all in another.

Development actions

Which concrete actions will you take and when, broken down into the four ways of learning?

Learning through knowledge

There is a lot of information available on the subject of presence in books, on the internet or through courses. There is almost always something to be found that appeals in terms of tone and content. A few examples are:

Books

“Personal presence” by Ellen Kuners
“The first impression in business” by Nicholas Boothman

Courses
In a training course you can practise techniques and skills to come across more strongly. Many agencies offer training in this area, for example ORGA, where the in-company training ‘Personal Impact’ can be followed.

Learning through imitation

Are there people in your environment who can serve as an example when it comes to presence? Who, in your eyes and in the eyes of others, comes across as strong and professional in situations in which you also want that? If there is such a person, look at this person; look at what he or she does that makes them come across so well. Is it body language, use of voice, clothing; is it what he or she says, or is it more about the way he or she says it? Look at what you can take over; what does that person do that you can imitate? Do it!

Learning through experimentation

Apply the tips and ideas you get in a training course, from books and by watching others, in practice. Choose the right situations for this: situations in which you feel free enough to experiment with your behaviour and in which you can also easily ask for feedback (so do ask for it; feedback can also be an eye-opener for this competency).

Learning through insight

Ask yourself what is not working well about your way of presenting yourself. Try looking at yourself through the eyes of another person. Then you will see what is strong and professional and what is not. Also take the time to evaluate for yourself the effect of the things you have tried when experimenting and imitating. Consider what worked well for you, what you received positive feedback on and what you yourself felt good about. Take the time to reflect on what you have learned and what you still want to learn.

Statements

Comes across and presents themselves as would be expected of someone in their profession.
Makes a positive impression through a strong presence.
Easily steps into the foreground.
Shows confidence in their own qualities.
Comes across as emotionally balanced.
Responds in a businesslike way to personal attacks and accusations, and continues to argue reasonably.
Presents themselves and the department in a convincing way.
Is prominently and actively present at meetings.
Comes across as sincere and credible.
Is presentable; dresses according to the situation.
Has a well-groomed appearance.
Comes across as professional and knowledgeable.
Is themselves; comes across as natural.
Makes an honest, trustworthy impression.

Relationship management

Competency

Building and maintaining relationships in a constructive way.

Developability

For the effective management of relationships, a number of skills are needed that you can develop reasonably easily. In addition, talent for this competency depends on personal factors, motivation and norms. It goes without saying that the competency is easier to develop for people who are willing to keep agreements, communicate easily and are helpful.

Goal

Define your goal. What exactly do you want to develop and in which situation? It may help first to gain insight into the way you currently manage relationships and what you want to develop in this regard. How will you measure this? For example by asking for feedback from various people who have insight into your way of managing relationships. You can also keep track of how many relationships you have entered into, with how many you still maintain contact, and how many have dropped off.

Development actions

Which concrete actions will you take and when, broken down into the four ways of learning?

Learning through knowledge

There is a lot of information available on the subject of relationship management in books, on the internet or through courses. There is almost always something to be found that appeals in terms of tone and content. A few examples are:

Books

“The first impression in business” by Nicholas Boothman
“Get under the customer’s skin” by Jonathan Kitching

Courses
Focused on account management and relationship management; optionally, depending on need, courses in communication skills, customer focus, networking, social skills, presence.

Learning through imitation

Develop this competency by accompanying others who are strong in managing relationships on client visits and learning from them. How do they prepare the visits, which topics do they raise in a conversation, how do they ensure follow-up? Look at the how, but also at the quantity. How often do they make contact, how often do they visit?

Learning through experimentation

Learn by experimenting. Try out different forms of initiating and maintaining contact to see what works best. You may also discover which approach comes most naturally to you.

Learning through insight

Ask customers for feedback: what do they find important, but also what do they think of your way of managing relationships? Call customers who have ended the relationship to hear what the reason was. Ask yourself the following questions: In which situations do you succeed in maintaining a relationship and in which do you not? Does it depend on the person opposite you? Ask people who are strong at building and maintaining relationships how they approach this, in order to gain insight into what is important. Talk to others about your own way of managing relationships. Do they have the same ideas about it, or different ones? Keep track for yourself which relationships hold and which do not. Consider what you have done and whether you have approached things differently with these relationships.

Statements

Builds an external network of contacts.
Develops and maintains good relationships with colleagues in other business units.
Is attentive towards relationships.
Keeps track of what interests external relationships.
Puts energy into maintaining relationships.
Shows perseverance in maintaining relationships.
Takes the initiative to have regular contact with relationships.
Spots problems among relationships.
Feels responsible for relationships.
Builds a personal connection with relationships.
Also seeks contact with relationships without a direct reason.
Is strategic and purposeful in maintaining relationships.
Obtains information and cooperation through a network of contacts.
Takes advantage of new opportunities thanks to contacts.
Has a good understanding with external partners, by building a personal relationship and informing them correctly in good time.
Knows the strengths of a relationship and knows how to use these in the right way.
Keeps agreements that have been made.
Handles relationship data carefully.

Collaboration

Competency

Achieving shared goals together with others in a constructive way.

Developability

The collaboration competency is highly developable. It requires an investment of time and conscious attention to the shared goal. To develop this competency further, it is important to be willing to collaborate and to see what it delivers. In addition, collaboration is linked to qualities such as empathy, sensitivity and the ability to listen.

Goal

In which situations do you want to be able to collaborate better than is currently the case? Do you want to learn to listen better, show more involvement, consult more in meetings and projects?

Development actions

Which concrete actions will you take and when, broken down into the four ways of learning?

Learning through knowledge

There is a lot of information available on the subject of collaboration in books, on the internet or through courses. There is almost always something to be found that appeals in terms of tone and content. A few examples are:

Books

“Collaborating or opposing” by Van Leest, Swets & Zeitlinger, 2001
“Working together, learning together: workbook” by Van Besouw et al., Nelissen

Learning through imitation

A colleague who regularly asks you or someone else what you think of something is probably someone who is committed to achieving goals with others. Look at how that person motivates and encourages your colleagues to help each other. Which arguments do they use; do they ask for the opinion of others? Besides sitting next to a collaboration-oriented colleague, it is also useful to reverse this and ask that person to give you feedback on the way you collaborate.

Learning through experimentation

Try as much as possible to share your ideas and questions with colleagues. You can set yourself a concrete goal and, for example, drop by a colleague once a day and share a new idea, a difficult problem or an interesting article with the other person. You can also offer a colleague to think along on a project for which your colleague is responsible. On an informal level, you can for example take on organising social activities, so that you also speak to your colleagues about matters other than work.

Learning through insight

Consider which tasks you have enjoyed working on. What role did you have in this collaboration? Was the goal also a shared goal, and was the result achieved by actively collaborating? Ask colleagues for feedback and also indicate what you yourself need.

Statements

Contributes to a positive and pleasant atmosphere in the group.
Builds collaborative relationships by showing sensitivity and respect for others.
Encourages open communication between departments and different levels.
Encourages collaboration between groups.
Obtains people’s cooperation.
Discusses differences of opinion in a tactful and sensitive way.
Keeps others informed and involves them in the work.
Builds on proposals and ideas of others.
Puts the group interest above personal interest.
Encourages others to make a contribution.
Takes initiatives to consult with colleagues.
Is clear towards colleagues.
Is helpful towards colleagues.
Is willing to take over others’ tasks when necessary.
When discovering a mistake, passes this on to others.
Involves others in good time if a result is not being achieved.
Hands over shared tasks carefully to colleagues.
Asks positively critical questions.
Keeps agreements that have been made.
Holds the other person to account for agreements made.
Makes use of the talents of others.
Informs colleagues clearly and fully.
Actively thinks along with others.
Has confidence in others.
Ensures that their own contribution benefits the team’s result.
Compliments others on achieved results.

Sensitivity

Competency

Being able to pick up signals from others and respond to them adequately.

Developability

The sensitivity competency is not directly developable as a trait. It depends on intellectual abilities, the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, your need to engage with others, and so on. You can, however, learn skills that make you come across as more sensitive to others and enable you to respond more adequately to others’ needs and feelings.

Goal

Define your goal in terms of situations in which, and people towards whom, you want to act more sensitively. Your development on this competency can in practice only be measured by asking others for feedback and being open to it.

Development actions

Which concrete actions will you take, broken down into the four ways of learning?

Learning through knowledge

There is a lot of information available on the subject of sensitivity in books, on the internet or through courses. There is almost always something to be found that appeals in terms of tone and content. A few examples are:

Books

“Psychological interviewing. A basis for counselling” by G. Lang & H.T. van der Molen

Courses
Interviewing, coaching, guiding people, and the like.

Learning through imitation

Observe sensitive colleagues. What behaviour do they show? For example, make sure you sit in on a conversation in which sensitivity is required (for example a conversation delivering bad news) in order to observe a sensitive colleague. Compare this with your own approach. How would you, for example, have responded to a certain reaction, and how does your colleague do this? What can you learn from them? Furthermore, where possible, you can shadow people for a day who work in a profession that requires sensitivity, such as a coach, psychologist or GP.

Learning through experimentation

Experiment with this competency in conversations. In a very practical way you can do this by taking the time to listen to others, carefully observing the posture this person adopts, how he or she responds to things you say, asking many questions and giving reflections of feeling. In addition, it is important throughout the conversation to summarise frequently and check whether you have understood your conversation partner correctly. Also do not be afraid to allow silences! Furthermore, show interest in colleagues and others; make sure you start a conversation on a personal note first, ask how the other person is, how the weekend was, before you focus on the content.

Learning through insight

You mainly gain insight into the degree of your sensitive behaviour by being open to the opinion and feelings of others. Ask others to what extent they feel your approach was sensitive in a particular situation, to what extent you responded to their needs, and at which moments you provoked resistance. Which solutions and which actions on your part aligned with the wishes of the other person, or to what extent can they accept this solution because of your way of acting? Furthermore, you can sit down with colleagues and discuss together what you understand by sensitivity. You may pick up ideas this way.

Statements

Is able to estimate others’ reactions and feelings and aligns their own behaviour accordingly.
Correctly estimates the feelings of the other person.
Builds trust by showing sensitivity and respect for others.
Shows appreciation for others.
Pays attention to the atmosphere and develops a good relationship with others.
Creates an atmosphere of commonality even in the face of differences.
Is sensitive to others’ need for help and responds to it.
Respects behaviours and ideas that deviate from their own norms and values.
Responds to the needs of the other person.
Shows that they pick up non-verbal signals.
Delivers bad news in the right way and at the right moment.
Shows interest in what others have to say.
Takes into account and takes an interest in the personal circumstances of the other person.
Does not speak hurtfully about the other person.

Sociability

Competency

Enjoys moving among groups of people and does so with ease.

Developability

This competency is difficult to develop, as it is a competency linked to a relatively stable personality trait. Whether people prefer to be alone or prefer to be surrounded by people is more or less fixed, and this need is reflected in sociability. This competency is related to communication and social skills.

Goal

Indicate for yourself what you want to achieve, based on situations in which you would find it necessary and perhaps also pleasant to move smoothly in a group. Consider which groups in the past created tension for you or prevented you from actively seeking contact.

Development actions

Which concrete actions will you take and when, broken down into the four ways of learning?

Learning through knowledge

There are courses in the area of social and communication skills.

Learning through imitation

At work or at home, seek out someone who stands out as often spending time in groups. Listen to how this colleague, friend or acquaintance initiates contact; with which question or remark do they start a conversation? Which topics do they then raise? To get a picture of what motivates that person to seek out a group, you can ask what it delivers for them and what satisfaction it gives.

Learning through experimentation

At work and at home, consider what is done in a group setting. Start by setting yourself a concrete goal: in the first week you seek out at least one activity that is done in a group, for example a drink at work, a party, an event. Take it a step further each time, from familiar and trusted people to less familiar groups, and from small gatherings to larger ones. Decide in advance what you want to talk about; formulate questions.

Learning through insight

When you look back, you can first ask yourself: how enjoyable or unpleasant was it actually? In which situations did I not have to make much effort to make contacts? With which people did I feel at ease, and why was that? Also look at which thresholds you had in establishing contacts; what exactly do you now dread?

Statements

Easily approaches people in groups.
Creates atmosphere by using humour.
Takes the initiative to introduce people with shared interests to each other.
Actively takes part in a conversation.
Is engaging; provides some relaxation.
Shows interest in others.
Makes others feel at ease.
Introduces people to each other.
Quickly feels at home in all social situations.
Enjoys moving in groups.
Easily approaches others.
Ensures that everyone is involved in the group.
Organises activities to strengthen the social bond in the group.